Tag Archives: rage

Anger and The 3 Ts — Trials, Troubles & Tribulations

16 Sep
Ten Lepers

Ten Lepers were healed, one only one return to give Thanks.

 

ANGER

USUALLY FROWNED UPON AND COUNTED AS ONE OF THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS DOES IN SPITE OF its BAD RAP SERVE A PROTECTIVE PURPOSE. People who don’t get angry on the outside are really boiling mad inside which cause depression which in turn brings on diseases like migraines, high blood pressure, diabetes, and the like.

ANGER

Turned against innocent outsiders’ results in long term incarcerations among the perpetrators, bad relationships with family and friends and sometimes when an argument escalates beyond control the combatants may find themselves being taken to the hospital or to prison.

ANGER

Used to get to the root of a problem separating disparate elements can have positive outcomes if the therapist or interventionists can get the troubled self-destructing members to reach an understanding that continued bad choices will produce the same self-defeating results.

Challenges in the form of Trials, troubles and tribulations bring out the strength that is already in you. No outside force or power can help you if you don’t first help yourself. Once you make the determination within your heart everything else will fall into place. It’s like the character of the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz. He sought what was within him all the time. All he had to do was face his fears even while being afraid. Once he realized that the Wizard was a charlatan he knew that the power resided in him all along. God is always with us and he never leaves us, sending His angels to smooth the pathway but allowing us to discover the power that lies within all of us. Rise up and take your place as a Rightful Citizen of Planet Earth!  We are the only hands God has on this earth to stop violence against women, girls or even pets. Make your house or home a sanctuary for one who has fallen off the straight path. Let’s create a friendly island of peace for our girl children. A Place of no judgement where they can be free to be themselves without shame, scorn or rebuke.

Jesus our Way Shower taught us how to be strong and that there is no shame in asking for help if you need it. Jesus gives many examples and situations which cause our strength to rise up within us. We are called to civil disobedience and to right wrongs within our community.

In Matthew 21:12-13 Jesus threw the money changers and sellers out of the temple.

 Matthew 21:12-13

New International Version (NIV)

Jesus at the Temple

12 Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. 13 “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’[a] but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.

Matthew 21:12-13

New International Version (NIV)

Jesus at the Temple

12 Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. 13 “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer, but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’”

Jesus Calls Herod a Sly Fox

At that time some Pharisees came to Jesus and said to him, “Leave this place and go somewhere else. Herod wants to kill you.” He replied, “Go tell that fox, ‘I will drive out demons and heal people today and tomorrow, and on the third day I will reach my goal.’” (Luke 13:31-32)
____________________________________________________________

Jesus calling Herod a fox catches us a little off guard here. Did Jesus really call people names? Yes, when appropriate. He did not do it to hurt people’s feelings or out of childish anger or to be unkind. But Jesus called a spade a spade.

What did he mean by calling Herod a fox? A fox is a small, weak, wily animal that lives by cunning rather than strength. Jesus was drawing attention to Herod’s crafty, treacherous side. Herod was not a man worthy of trust or respect. He divorced his wife to marry his own niece, who happened to be his own brother’s wife. He beheaded John the Baptist because of a foolish promise made at a birthday party. He was a man of weak character who used his political power for selfish ends.

Now, we need to be careful here. As Christians we are called to love, forgive, forbear and be courteous to others. We should not go around calling people names as a general rule. Jesus rarely did. But there are times when we also must call a spade a spade. Sometimes a thief needs to be called a thief; the unfaithful spouse must be called an adulterer; the pornographer needs to be called perverted. There are times when evil must be confronted and named. There are times when Herod must be called a fox. Originally Posted by Ray Folwer

Jesus and the Woman taken in Adultery

John 8:1-11

New International Version (NIV)

but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.

At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11 “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

A new ministry for girls called Jephthah’s Daughters has been birthed. Please send donations and contributions to help young girls between the ages of 4 to 17 in need via PayPal to deborah.palmer280@gmail.com. The young ladies will receive care packages and counseling. Rest assured that you are supporting a good cause that will lift up young women who have been abandoned and neglected by their birth families.  Thank you.

Donations and Freewill offerings can be made directly to my PayPal account deborah.palmer280@gmail.com

Conquerors through Grief and Sorrow

17 Jun

Conquerors through Grief and Sorrow

“Funerals are for the living.” That’s what my father Edward G. Palmer used to tell me.

Ecclesiastes 9:5

New International Version (NIV)

For the living know that they will die,
but the dead know nothing;
they have no further reward,
and even their name is forgotten.

Prayers, incense, the pouring of libation, the lighting of candles, wakes, viewings, observation of anywhere between seven and forty days are just a few of the rituals associated with mourning the death of a loved one. The songs sung and the music played at the funeral, viewing or wakes are all designed for families, friends and loved ones of the deceased. Even side shows, videos, photo displays are arranged to present fond memories of the one or ones who have passed away. We remember a life well lived.  The deceased has gone from labor to reward.

When someone close to us passes away we not only celebrate their life but we are faced with our own mortality. Numerous questions arise “Am I living my life to the fullest?”  “What will be my legacy once I leave this earth?” “Will I ever realize my deepest heartfelt desires, wishes and goals in this life?” “How can I get to the place I want to be in the short time available to us?”

Black Unicorn Rainbow

Black Unicorn moving towards the Rainbow

Our Earthly Time Span Question

Many of us try to establish patterns in our lives all in an effort to make it seem like we have control over adverse circumstances. Sometimes this involves lying to ourselves and others hiding our true feelings because nobody likes a sour puss. We’ve been taught to operate with a stiff upper lip, think positive and remain stoic in the face of adversity. However the inner collapse has already happened. Try as we might to stifle the surging volcano of frustration and discouragement sooner or later the top will blow. If not directed towards someone else suppressed anger manifests itself externally through headaches, stomach aches, forgetfulness, and joint pain, physical and/or mental exhaustion.  Frustration without resolution leads to discouragement.  These symptoms of a greater problem cause our souls and spirits to die small deaths each day. The cause is suppressed anger. A mismatch of expectations between what we want and what actually is. Once burnt twice shy, we are hesitant in putting ourselves in a place of vulnerability. Adversity causes us to be reborn as skeptics, a legion of Doubting Thomases/Thomasinas hemmed in by emotional barbed wire. We are misfits out of context with our perceived natural environment. Destinies aborted.

Everyone is assigned a ministry in this life. That is that something special that we are specifically anointed to do that no one else can perform because the position is uniquely designed for us. Not necessarily a calling to the collar but a mission and a purpose especially designed for us. When we fail to operate in that office we feel a tugging, a pulling apart within our spirits until we function within our calling.

Walking Dichotomies

Some of us seek to exchange our current stifling identifies for one provides the realization of an unattainable lifestyle.  Perhaps this explains the popularity of Superheroes in our culture.  Most Superheroes start off as ordinary people who through some serendipitous and unforeseen circumstance, happening or even accident are transformed into beings that not only have powers that enhance their lives and the ability to positively affect the lives of those around them.  In reality these super powers often have unanticipated consequences that change the lives of these Superheroes both positively and negatively.

Or we live vicariously through our children. Their lives are just beginning ours are either in the middle or at the end. Children represent a fresh start whereas middle and old age often find us cynical and jaded worn down by the realities of daily living. Will the purity and innocence of the young redeem those seeking another chance to capture the brass ring? Highly unlikely. We can no more embody their hopes, dreams and goals anymore than they can ours. Let us not make the mistake of forcing our lost vocations cut off midstream upon the young people in our lives.

Often we spend our lives trying to be someone else or attempting to meet the expectations of family and society. We strive to become the “other” all the while failing to live in the here and now.

Life is like marriage. We take this life for better or for worse, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health.  Like the Psalmist King David we feel that void of emptiness deep within our souls despite the outward appearance of privilege and comfort.

Psalm 42:5

New International Version (NIV)

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

 

But as our Biblical counterparts Ruth, Esther, Judith, DeBorah and Mary we press on through the challenges, the defeats, the sorrows and the pain to see God’s promise revealed and manifested to us and others. We may suffer defeat in battle but we have won the war. We stand as warriors bruised yet conquerors.

Donations can be made via Paypal using my email: deborah.palmer280@gmail.com.

Thank you and God Bless.

Conquerors through Grief and Sorrow

7 Jun

Conquerors through Grief and Sorrow

“Funerals are for the living.” That’s what my father Edward G. Palmer used to tell me.

Ecclesiastes 9:5

New International Version (NIV)

For the living know that they will die,
but the dead know nothing;
they have no further reward,
and even their name is forgotten.

Prayers, incense, the pouring of libation, the lighting of candles, wakes, viewings, observation of anywhere between seven and forty days are just a few of the rituals associated with mourning the death of a loved one. The songs sung and the music played at the funeral, viewing or wakes are all designed for families, friends and loved ones of the deceased. Even side shows, videos, photo displays are arranged to present fond memories of the one or ones who have passed away. We remember a life well lived.  The deceased has gone from labor to reward.

When someone close to us passes away we not only celebrate their life but we are faced with our own mortality. Numerous questions arise “Am I living my life to the fullest?”  “What will be my legacy once I leave this earth?” “Will I ever realize my deepest heartfelt desires, wishes and goals in this life?” “How can I get to the place I want to be in the short time available to us?”

Black Unicorn Rainbow

Black Unicorn moving towards the Rainbow

Our Earthly Time Span Question

Many of us try to establish patterns in our lives all in an effort to make it seem like we have control over adverse circumstances. Sometimes this involves lying to ourselves and others hiding our true feelings because nobody likes a sour puss. We’ve been taught to operate with a stiff upper lip, think positive and remain stoic in the face of adversity. However the inner collapse has already happened. Try as we might to stifle the surging volcano of frustration and discouragement sooner or later the top will blow. If not directed towards someone else suppressed anger manifests itself externally through headaches, stomach aches, forgetfulness, and joint pain, physical and/or mental exhaustion.  Frustration without resolution leads to discouragement.  These symptoms of a greater problem cause our souls and spirits to die small deaths each day. The cause is suppressed anger. A mismatch of expectations between what we want and what actually is. Once burnt twice shy, we are hesitant in putting ourselves in a place of vulnerability. Adversity causes us to be reborn as skeptics, a legion of Doubting Thomases/Thomasinas hemmed in by emotional barbed wire. We are misfits out of context with our perceived natural environment. Destinies aborted.

Everyone is assigned a ministry in this life. That is that something special that we are specifically anointed to do that no one else can perform because the position is uniquely designed for us. Not necessarily a calling to the collar but a mission and a purpose especially designed for us. When we fail to operate in that office we feel a tugging, a pulling apart within our spirits until we function within our calling.

Walking Dichotomies

Some of us seek to exchange our current stifling identifies for one provides the realization of an unattainable lifestyle.  Perhaps this explains the popularity of Superheroes in our culture.  Most Superheroes start off as ordinary people who through some serendipitous and unforeseen circumstance, happening or even accident are transformed into beings that not only have powers that enhance their lives and the ability to positively affect the lives of those around them.  In reality these super powers often have unanticipated consequences that change the lives of these Superheroes both positively and negatively.

Or we live vicariously through our children. Their lives are just beginning ours are either in the middle or at the end. Children represent a fresh start whereas middle and old age often find us cynical and jaded worn down by the realities of daily living. Will the purity and innocence of the young redeem those seeking another chance to capture the brass ring? Highly unlikely. We can no more embody their hopes, dreams and goals anymore than they can ours. Let us not make the mistake of forcing our lost vocations cut off midstream upon the young people in our lives.

Often we spend our lives trying to be someone else or attempting to meet the expectations of family and society. We strive to become the “other” all the while failing to live in the here and now.

Life is like marriage. We take this life for better or for worse, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health.  Like the Psalmist King David we feel that void of emptiness deep within our souls despite the outward appearance of privilege and comfort.

Psalm 42:5

New International Version (NIV)

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

 

But as our Biblical counterparts Ruth, Esther, Judith, DeBorah and Mary we press on through the challenges, the defeats, the sorrows and the pain to see God’s promise revealed and manifested to us and others. We may suffer defeat in battle but we have won the war. We stand as warriors bruised yet conquerors.

Donations can also be made via Paypal using my email: deborah.palmer280@gmail.com.

Thank you and God Bless.

The Cruelty of “Christianity”

5 May

The Cruelty of “Christianity”

Tekahionwake

“Oh, why have your people forced on me the name of Pauline Johnson? Was not my Indian name good enough? Do you think you help us by bidding us forget our blood? By teaching us to cast off all memory of our high ideals and our glorious past? I am an Indian. My pen and my life I devote to the memory of my own people. Forget that I was Pauline Johnson, but remember always that I was Tekahionwake, the Mohawk that humbly aspired to be the saga singer of her people, the bard of the noblest folk the world has ever seen, the sad historian of her own heroic race.”

Nobody knows my name or the real me except Jesus and him alone. Some ancestors unwillingly pulled from the breast of Mother Africa the others walked the “Trail of Tears”. Both had forced upon them the indoctrination of Euro-centric Christianity to the detriment of each noble culture.

A few months ago I traced my maternal ancestry back to Mozambique. When I made that discovery something in my spirit clicked and I knew that one day I had to return to the birthplace of my Great, great, great, great, great Grandmother, her birth name lost to time and eternity. Other ancestors born in this great land have yet to be revealed. Many times I wonder, “What was my African and/or Native American name.”  The names of Finney, Halstead, Gordon, Palmer were all given by some distant slave-owner. Who were they and who were they 500 years ago?

Like Tekahionwake I live my dichotomy every day even in my spiritual life wondering about the respective faiths of my African and Native American ancestors. Thinking about how their own unique worship was torn asunder only to be replaced by a Euro-centric “Christian” god who relegated them to a lesser status, below that of their European captors.

Children of an accursed Ham? (Genesis 9:20–27) I think not for the descendents of the great Realm of Ethiopia have risen again to the rightful place in the Diaspora.

Matthew 12:42

New King James Version (NKJV)

42 The queen of the South will rise up in the judgment with this generation and condemn it, for she came from the ends of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon; and indeed a greater than Solomon is here.

The cries of my people would not be extinguished. The voices of my Native American ancestors called to me for redemption. Through an experiment called Carlisle Indian Industrial School History, really internment in re-culturalization concentration camps Richard Henry Pratt sought to erase the cultural identity of Kiowa, Cheyenne, Arapaho and other tribes through forcing children into complete immersion in Eurocentric culture and identity, effectively erasing their own. Take away a person’s language and belief systems, telling them that how God created them was wrong and had to be fixed only serves to create indwelling images of self-hatred within those lost children. If eradicating my indigenous and African American culture, traditions, ethnicity and exchanging them for dominant white culture will I be closer to God?  Will Jesus accept me in this new form?

As I gaze in the mirror as many Native Americans did 150 years ago neither my face nor my features as God made them can be erased. The efforts on the part of European conquerors failed. Nor were the colonizers able to erase the connection to the Great Spirit as he was known long before the white man touched our shores.

White man you tell me that only your version of Jesus can save my soul and deliver me from sin. And just what is my sin? Being born with a brown face, high cheek bones, full lips, long flowing Jet Black hair or locs that rise to kiss the sun. Does my sin lie in the dances my people perform to honor my ancestors and Mother Earth who gives us all sustenance? Am I or my ways at fault because we revere Nature as opposed to destroying the land, fouling the waters, polluting the environment in a never ending obsession to conquer, convert and control? Now who is the savage? Who is the so-called heathen?

Oh European who comes bearing the sign of the cross who is this God of yours that lifts up your customs and traditions but disparages mine? He is not the Jesus depicted in your Old Master paintings from Italy, Spain, France or the Flemish Masters. No, more than likely he was a swarthy man with kinky dark wooly hair, skin darkened by constant exposure to the sun. Jesus was someone whose looks paralleled the populations most of the indigenous tribes of Africa, North and South America.

Revelation 1:14-15

New King James Version (NKJV)

14 His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and His eyes like a flame of fire; 15 His feet were like fine brass, as if refined in a furnace, and His voice as the sound of many waters;

We Sisters and Brothers from what you named the “Third World” now know that Jesus came for us just as we are. God accepts us in all the richness with which he created us. We Black and Brown followers have redefined and returned Christianity to its original intent and meaning.

No longer do we walk the “Trail of Tears” or the Via Dolorosa. Now we stand together arm in arm marching onward to Zion that beautiful city of God taking our place among those who have been redeemed.

 Woman Ancestor from Dad's Side

Donations to this thought provoking Ministry for the Housing Fund can be made in U.S. Funds via money order or bank checks made directly to  Paypal using my email: deborah.palmer280@gmail.com.

Thank you and God Bless.


Bitter Pills Are Hard to Swallow

20 Apr

Titus 2:3-5
New International Version (NIV)

3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Bitterness & Jealousy are poisoned arrows that pierce the heart with contamination that destroy spirit, soul & body. Older women who allow these twin demons to take root & grow, then lash out at our younger sisters are living proof that maturity does not necessarily come with age.

Going to church on Sunday and spitting venom Monday – Saturday are signs of immaturity & a definite lack of wisdom, understanding & grace. Jealousy is the root of bitterness. It only serves to put barriers between older and younger women that should not ever be in place. Elder Ladies remember there are no do-overs in life. Be that example our younger sisters can and wish to emulate.  Those of us who have passed the half century mark should live the next fifty years as Seasoned Sisters of Grace, Wisdom, Honor & Understanding.  We are not called to dishonor but honor and integrity. Why the senseless expressions of vitriol? Does not the Word tell us,

Proverbs 4:7

King James Version (KJV)

 7Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.

Part of Wisdom involves mercy and compassion. Perhaps the very thing you’re envious of in that younger woman’s life is responsibility that you as someone older with limitations are not equipped to handle.  Instead of condemnation and slander lift up that younger Sister in the role God has given to her.

When the temptation comes to hurl hurtful words at someone I see as an enemy because of a misunderstanding, I remember the wisdom of my wonderful mother Mable Elizabeth Palmer. Growing up two of her favorite sayings were, “If you can’t say something nice to someone don’t say anything at all and You Never Know Who You May have to Call on.” The very person you insult today may be the same person you’ll have to call on for help tomorrow. No we can’t like everyone we come in contact with but we can be polite, disciplined, kind, loving and professional. Respect should be the very basis of our professional and personal lives.

Donations to this Thought Provoking Ministry for the Housing Fund can be sent directly to Paypal using my email: deborah.palmer280@gmail.com.

Thank you and God Bless.


Mutilation — A Chapbook Memorial for Thelma Rosalie Palmer (1922-1985)

9 Apr

Mutilation

Tribute to Thelma Rosalie Palmer

I looked down at the angry red scar that ran nearly diagonally across what once was my right breast. Carefully almost reverently my left hand caressed the raised stitches that the doctor said would be removed in a few weeks. I was one of the lucky few. The surgeon removed the entire cancerous growth along with all my breast tissue. Bonus point: I did not require chemotherapy or radiation so at least I would get to keep my beautiful salt & pepper mane.

Once the swelling and redness had subsided the plastic surgeon explained to me I’d be a good candidate for reconstructive surgery. But in my musings I had already dismissed that option. I’d rather wear my mastectomy scar as an Amazonian badge of courage and honor. I was a Warrior Woman much like the mythical females immortalized in Greek literature.

This sacrificial scarification symbolized strength and endurance. The will, no, the need to go and move forward in life. As for the pain, it’s not so bad, not nearly as bad as when my ex pummeled me bloody and broken with his fists when I failed to obey some order known or unknown. This operation was not an intolerable as the bi-weekly rapes to which I was subjected.

Even now in the years since he left me on Thanksgiving Day 2007 I’ve considered taking lovers, even had a few imaginary ones but the nightmare replays itself again and again in my head. When I see an erect penis, a face appears right at the head, above the shaft. His face.  The face of my tormentor.  Sexual intercourse with him and forever more in my mind became associated with the lower bodily functions. It’s as though men blow their nose, defecate and vomit upon you in succession. No pleasure. Only pain and moral/emotional degradation. You can never forgive him and worst of all you can never forgive yourself for allowing this to happen. But I’m free now. This scar will protect me from further encounters. My greatest desire is to never be violated again.

I went to the weekly meetings of breast cancer survivors. But nothing will assuage the survivors’ guilt. Guilt that I had lived but my favorite aunt, Thelma Palmer Varner had not.

Aunt Thelma had married and divorced early in her life. Childless she devoted her spare time to her beloved nieces and nephews, especially the children of her only brother, Edward, myself and my brother Stephen. I spent many an enjoyable weekend at her apartment in Co-op City, The Bronx. Aunt Thelma was the fun aunt. We laughed; joked, played games. She took me shopping and told the most hilarious stories.

Aunt Thelma died of breast cancer. Carcinoma of the right breast read her death certificate. But I attributed her untimely death at age 62 to religious ignorance and blind obedience to error. Aunt Thelma a former AME turned Catholic got involved with the Church of Christ Science, better known as Christian Scientists. Mary Baker Eddy. They are neither Christians nor scientists. Christian Scientists claim all illness and sickness is an illusion, doctors are unnecessary and all appearance of sickness can be worked out through “science”. Visiting a doctor when you are in pain or have serious symptoms is considered “a lack of faith in Ms. Eddy’s principles”.  Mary Baker Eddy’s principles of Christian Science are false and ultimately dangerous if followed to the letter.

Aunt Thelma died a slow, painful, agonizing death in one of their “hospitals” in Westchester County. At her funeral one of their so-called ministers to whom Aunt Thelma had paid money for prayer actually had the nerve, audacity and gall to attend the services. If I had not been consumed with grief and wanting to be respectful of other family members I would have beat the woman to death. To this day I hope God assigns a special place in Hell for all Christian Science ministers and pastors. May their reading rooms be vandalized then burned to ashes in memory of their many mislead victims.

Wait my scar is throbbing. It’s speaking to me. This mutilated chest. My war wound.

I’ve decided once the area has completely healed to answer the scar’s calling and decorate my mangled bosom with a full color tattoo of Aunt Thelma and I costumed as Amazon Warrior Women intertwined eternally.

Thelma Rosalie Palmer Varner

1922 – 1985

Donations and Love Offerings can be made to this thought provoking ministry via Paypal using my email: deborah.palmer280@gmail.com. Thank you and God Bless.

Aunt Thelma -- The Early Years

Thelma Palmer Varner

Holmesian Psychology Behind the Rabbit Hole

30 Mar

Holmesian Psychology Behind the Rabbit Hole

Mental Orgasms

Alice Down the Rabbit Hole

Alice Down the Rabbit Hole

Matrix – The Red pill/Blue pill

http://youtu.be/te6qG4yn-Ps

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arcJksDgCOU&feature=colike

Addiction – some habit usually unhealthy that takes over your life, an activity over which you have no control.  For those lost in the throes of prescription addiction there is no escape from the horrors of the mind except via medications freely doled out by more than willing physicians and pharmacists. Drug induced hallucinations for those possessed by insecurities, depression, psychosis and various types of mental illness open previously closed doors in the mind.  The addict seeking to escape earthly pain often unwisely even unknowingly opens portals to new cerebral dimensions, portals that eventually lead to the gateway to Hades.

I find myself walking through Bedlam calmly and quietly observing the poor wretches imprisoned within the only separation of safety between me and they glass with reinforced steel bars.  Until I come to a long hallway on either side a series of rooms each secured with double bolt thick steel doors the only openings a slot in which to slide a plastic meal tray and a small window used by roaming psychotherapists who occasionally looked in upon the inmates deciding which mental miracle drug to dispense to these unsuspecting unfortunates.  Compelled to stop in front of one particular door I peer through the small grimy window only to be shocked yet not too surprised to find my gaze met by my doppelganger.  There I stand frozen to the spot my extremities taking root and branching out seeking crevices with which to penetrate the unyielding door that separates me from myself.

Jesus explained the dilemma of mind altering drugs the best in Luke 11:24-26

New International Version (NIV)

   24 “When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ 25 When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. 26 Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first.”

Sherlock Holmes is one of the most celebrated fictional drug addicts known to most Americans. As played by the late Jeremy Brett, Brett’s Holmes captures the true brilliance of a man possessed by a troubled mind. He is the quintessential eccentric elitist, misanthrope and misogynist. In between cases Holmes uses cocaine to escape from the commonplaces of existence. Subject to long bouts of depression his drugs of choice morphine and cocaine, hence the 7% solution in his reasoning clarified and stimulated the mind. Often this is the case with talented, gifted genius level individuals. They abhor boredom and stagnation; craving constant mental exultation whether through industry, work, artistic, musical or literary projects. When the normal stimulants’ of challenging work are unavailable the well respected and recognized addict resorts to any number of remedies to recreate and/or achieve the same high gotten from recreational pursuits.

Holmes is the atypical functional drug addict. This is not to glorify or elevate prescription drug use above the use of common street drugs; the results from both are about the same. Both types of addicts experience dependence, cravings, reliance, and slavery to substances that destroy mind, body and spirit, eventually leading to death.

Like many possessed of a tortured brilliance only known by members of the “Talented Tenth” Holmes is an insecure elitist. The luster and sparkle of genius seeks to be delivered from the mundane, the trivial and from the insecurities that threaten to destroy a superior intellect.  The trick is to elevate and expand the thought processes and at the same time hoping to eliminate present daily realities of pain and suffering.

Drug addiction is a false cure, a fake hope, phony sanctuary, ever failing to grant rest or repose to its seekers. If the Sherlock Holmes character was updated to these modern times his drug of choice might be Ambien the sleep aid that bridges the gap between conscious and subconscious mind.

Ambien transports ones soul to that place between wakefulness and sleep. It appears to enhance ones innate natural creative abilities.  Users of cocaine and speed often make the same claims. These drugs both legal and illegal offer a false escape from the mundane.  Substance abusers even leave the natural human sexual relationships in order to experience the multiple mental orgasms they cannot achieve through physical sex with a partner. Reality becomes the bad dream. The user finds her/himself caught up in an almost inescapable quagmire.

In one episode Holmes states that, “There’s no escape from the terrors of the mind.”  Many times I secretly wished that life was like Etch A Sketch, that famously popular toy we children of the 60s played with for hours on end. If only life were like that little plastic Neanderthal laptop where with a few vigorous shakes you once again had a clean slate and the ability to start over.

It was a secret desire born out of stress, depression, and hard times to return to a time of innocence and being care free.  However I realized that there was no turning back the clock.  I had to face my inner demons.  I had to ask myself did I want to live the rest of my life in the Twilight Zone when everyone around me constantly telling me I have a gift, a gift that needs to be shared with the world. Also what about my family? What about my beloved autistic brother?  Where would he be if I suddenly was not on the planet anymore?  In addition how could I ignore the calling I knew God had on my life?  The answer is I couldn’t.  Never at any time did God give up on me.  That in and of itself amazed me.  God kept sending people my way to set me back on the path of life.  Even when I wanted to let go of this earthly life and move onto another plane, God said not yet.  I’m not ready for you yet.  You have more work to do on this earth.

No God did not immediately take away all the problems and challenges I’ve been experiencing but He did reveal to me better ways to cope.  Through my gift of writing He has opened doors for me that never would have opened had I allowed myself to sink into the substance abuse quicksand.  Of course there will continue to be bumps and potholes along the roadway but isn’t life somewhat like an obstacle course where the prize for those of us who esteem intellect the ability to successfully negotiate those obstructions by being quick thinkers and thrill in the victory of being an Overcomer?  Enjoy the Treasure Hunt!  Enjoy the excitement of the chase while in your right mind because you’ve been given everything that pertains to life and godliness and you are Empowered to Succeed!

Donations and Love Offerings can be sent via money order or bank checks made payable to Deborah A. Palmer. Donations can also be made via Paypal using my email: deborah.palmer280@gmail.com.

Thank you and God Bless.


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